Semicolons
“Are you and Jacob still together?” “Not anymore. We broke up because he thought semicolons are only used to make wink emojis.”
Quarantine
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Scary Zoom Meetings
“Oh wow! I didn’t know you can pick a haunted house as background for Zoom meetings.” “Nope! There isn’t one available. It’s my real house...
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Costco Stories
Guy at Costco: “Hey ma’am, you don’t need to line up to get inside. Just tell the guard that you’re 65 and they’ll let you...
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Quarantine Rule
“Hey! Lisa said she can’t find you anywhere on social media. Are you okay?” “Oh definitely! I had to block her. Just following the social...
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Vampire Chronicles
“I’m confident I’ll be safe from the virus. I eat raw garlic 3-5 times daily.” “I doubt it! It’s the virus we’re fighting, not vampires.”
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Best Foot Forward
**Guy just finished building himself up — talking about his nice traits, affiliations and accomplishments. Girl: That was impressive! I’m surprised nothing came up when...
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Funny Side
Guy 1: Hope you can come for a visit this weekend. But hey, don’t bring that girl again with you. Last time she visited my...
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Reghosting
“Reconnecting with so many people can be tedious. But, what’s more overwhelming is the thought that I’ll have to reghost each one when this is...
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Odd Combo
Woman to a friend: We’ve been on quarantine for so long. Are you curious as to how my mental health is going? I just ate...
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Alexa
Bored Roommate to Alexa: “Alexa, stop the pandemic!”
