Alexa
Bored Roommate to Alexa: “Alexa, stop the pandemic!”
Cities
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Dad – Daughter Talks
Dad: Hey sweetie! Your mom told me you want to be a doctor when you grow up. Is that true? Daughter: No, dad. I want...
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Assumptions
“How can you be heartbroken? I didn’t even know you were in a relationship.” “Well, that’s exactly what he said when I broke up with...
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Costco Stories
Guy at Costco: “Hey ma’am, you don’t need to line up to get inside. Just tell the guard that you’re 65 and they’ll let you...
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Quarantine Important Jobs
Marco: Hey Nathan! How’s your quarantine life so far? Nathan: I’ve got an important job so I’m not allowed to take a break from work....
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Vampire Chronicles
“I’m confident I’ll be safe from the virus. I eat raw garlic 3-5 times daily.” “I doubt it! It’s the virus we’re fighting, not vampires.”
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Semicolons
“Are you and Jacob still together?” “Not anymore. We broke up because he thought semicolons are only used to make wink emojis.”
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Odd Combo
Woman to a friend: We’ve been on quarantine for so long. Are you curious as to how my mental health is going? I just ate...
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Best Foot Forward
**Guy just finished building himself up — talking about his nice traits, affiliations and accomplishments. Girl: That was impressive! I’m surprised nothing came up when...
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Funny Side
Guy 1: Hope you can come for a visit this weekend. But hey, don’t bring that girl again with you. Last time she visited my...
